Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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