I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
