Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
