someone threw a dead crab at me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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