It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
