as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
