i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
