You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
