Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
