Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
