He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
