Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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