Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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