Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
