I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
