he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
