I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
