just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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