its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
