Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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