Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
