Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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