I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
