Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
