Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
