well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
