I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
