apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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