we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
