i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
