I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
