so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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