You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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