Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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