Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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