Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
