so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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