I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
