I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
