I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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