Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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