Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
