did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
