just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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