you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
