Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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