What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it hurts more in the daytime
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
