Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
