matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
