forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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