I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
