dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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