i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
