Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
