fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
