with your own penis?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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