beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize