My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your penis caused this!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
