Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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