is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
