We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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