I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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