at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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